Tuesday, August 5, 2008

"Truth in Packaging" or "High Hopes"

Recall the recent birthday of mine? Such a wonderful day for me. My 3 beautiful daughters really went all out. While I may have mentioned there was some present opening after our dinner off the island, I neglected to tell you what was in a few of those prettily wrapped packages. The two I'll mention here were clearly well thought out and heartfelt. First I opened this:

That's right. I got a Grow a New Husband. I've been a single mom for about 12 years now and I have always said that I would like to marry again someday. My daughters have taken the matter into their own hands and bought me a husband. They even got me a grow your own cake for the "wedding ceremony".
My new guy is wearing a tuxedo and and ready to be re hydrated. A bowl of water and 72 hours to a new husband. He will grow 600 times his original size according to his package. I'm thinking, "Now that is pretty decent".
So into the bowl he goes along with the cake. I check on him. He's clearly taking on water. He's growing. I check on him again. I'm getting a little concerned. 72 hours later he is topping out at about 5" tall.
Now, I don't have sky high standards but I do have some requirements for a husband to be. He outta at least be big enough to take out the trash.
It's been a week now and I take the groom and his cake out of the water. He has reached his full potential and it is pretty disappointing. 8". He doesn't even sound tall if he's measured in centimeters. 20cm.

I had to let him go. He's 8" tall. His packaging may say "He has no baggage" but there is no way that an 8" tall man isn't gonna have some kind of chip on his shoulder and have something to prove. I'm also just plain not attracted to him. The bad leg doesn't bother me so much but his skin condition would be a little hard to get used to.
So GANH (grow a new husband) and his cake were sent packin' today. Gotta love those girls for believing in romance though, don't you?


Meike said...

LOL!!!!! Okay, you just had me snorting coffee. Hahahahaha! A chip on his shoulder for being so small indeed... Hee hee!

Gotta love those girls. :)

Life in the 20 acre woods said...

Oh, that was such a good laugh :O)
Started my day perfectly.

PolarBearCreations said...

That's so funny.... :0)
It was the first thing I read this morning. Thanks so much for this funny post!
Have a wonderful day!

Ruby's Daughter said...

That is too funny. At this point I would think you wouldn't want a man that would be a "project" anyway. Too much work! Your daughters sound very cool.